What an Amazing Day!

Today I went to my first doctors appointment, it was so exciting! I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. My mom went with me because John had a class for work so he couldn't make it, but we sent him a voicemail so he could hear it. Haha my mom cried. It is so surreal hearing it, I can't believe there's a baby in my belly. :) The doctor says the heartbeat was 156 beats per min, it's so cool. I guess people say the higher the heart rate the more likely it is a girl, I wonder why. Either way it's Amazing! I have to make an appointment for ultrasound next so hopefully I will have a picture to post. :)

Starting our new life together!

Now that we have a little one on the way John and I need to find a place of our own. John insists on buying a house, he says no apartments or anything like that, so this is super exciting. We have been looking at a few recently, we are looking to have our own place within th enext few months. :) We have found a house that we realy like in Wadsworth, so were going to be looking at it soon. I'm so excited, a place of our own, to ourself, where we can start our little family. John and i havent been together very long, everything is moving fast but I know for sure this is the real deal. Hopefully we can get the ball rolling on getting a house so we can get everything settled and ready for when the baby comes.
Speaking of baby... we get to go this Friday for our first doctors appointment! Which is so exciting because we get to hear the heartbeat and withing another four weeks we will find out the sex of the baby. I can't wait its finally starting to feel like I'm pregnant. lol. Haha John and I have a bet on who will end up crying at the doctors appointment... my bet is on John. lol. He's a real softy when it comes to things like that. Hahah I love him so much. :) I will keep you posted on the doctors appointment!

The honest truth

I feel horrible for even feeling this way, but honestly I'am so scared to have this baby. So many things have happened in the past year and a half, and I feel like everything is moving so fast. I don't mean to complain I brought things upon myself. I wanted kids for the longest time but after everything that has happened I thought that maybe just maybe I wouldn't rush things and take my time. But that didn't happen. Nobody is ever ready for a baby, and it is a lot of hard work and sacrifices. I have so many worries, will i be a good mom? will John be a good dad? can we make it through this?...
I have always tried to be better than my parents, and to make something of myself and I just want people to be proud of me for once. I hope that I can do this with this baby. This is the greatest gift anyone could have, and even though this isn't the perfect timeing, I'm going to make the best out of it. I grew up in a home with nothing but fighting and yelling and went through divorce. I don't want to ever put my kids through anything like that. I want this baby to have a loving home, and I want her/him to know that we love them.
I know John will be an amazing father, I just hope I can measure up to the standards that I have of what a mother should be like.
I really hope I can get out of this slump I'm in, I need a little more positive reinforcement, and I need to quit being so negative. Deep down I'am excited and I can't wait til this baby comes, the wait is just so stressfull, and I still have six more months. :)